Last night, someone asked me to help them with some plumbing for a water filter. I looked at it and helped with what I could. But then said I don’t know really know what I’m doing, I don’t want to break it so I stopped. Then they pulled something out that they shouldn’t have and water start spraying them and out into the kitchen. After I turned the water main off it stopped spraying out into the kitchen.
They were really upset, on the edge of tears and began saying, “That was so stupid, why would I try to fix something like this, I don’t know know what I’m doing. I’m so stupid.”
I said, “No you’re not.”
To which they said, “Yes I am. That was so stupid. I’m so stupid.”
I said, “You would never talk to me like that, don’t do it to yourself. Everything’s going to be alright. It’s just water.”
They stopped and calmed down.
It was all cleaned up in about twenty minutes.
This happened around 10 PM so they were tired and cleaning up a big mess. Always seems more challenging when you’re tired. But often are biggest challenges come when we’re tired.
It was a challenge to me to as my food had just come out of the oven and I wanted to eat it while it was hot. I set it aside and got some towels and began drying the floor, cupboards and under the sink. Making the conscious decision not to help in a begrudging way where I would later be upset about my food getting cold. But rather be happy that I could help this person and help set an example of self-love.
This can easily sound like a pride piece but that is not my intent. My intent rather is to address the self talk so many of people have running all the time in their mind. And how it takes consciously watching your thoughts and speech to decide to be kind to ourselves. It’s easier when things go well. But when something goes wrong, do you attack yourself and call yourself stupid? If you do, be careful not to do it again now. Often when we catch ourselves doing something we don’t like we attack ourselves some more. So don’t attack yourself for attacking yourself.
Rather, be gentle with yourself. And say instead, “Oh, I think I do that, I don’t want to do that anymore. I’m going to watch my thoughts and choose kind words to say to myself.” (A good practice in being gentle with yourself is talking to yourself as if you are a young child you adore.)
Most people are far worse to themselves than they are to others. So remember that if someone is unkind to you. They are probably far worse to themselves. And you can respond to them, “I hope you aren’t this mean to yourself.” …This person was not unkind to me. I’m just taking this a step further.
It’s my hope that we will all be loving and kind to ourselves. Then I think we will see a big change in how we are to those around us. To our friends and to our enemies (until hopefully we don’t have any enemies).